Pitch the garbage

Today was an okay day. An average, but okay day. This morning, the boys made a huge mess! Poor husband came home and didn't have to ask what we did this morning. He got to see the remains of a toddler battlefield. I raised my white flag, and clearly surrendered. Toys, play dough, crayons, paper shavings, pretzel crumbs, shredded cheese. What a mess. Just enough of a mess that I couldn't think straight anymore. I realized the kitchen rug began to take a whole new twist on the eclectic look. Picture this: "spring 2013 Mom's Housekeeping Catalog introduces floor bling".. Yes I'm talking about play dough droppings, pretzel crumbs, and shredded cheese, all over the rug. Well, it's totally in style if you didn't know.  This was my house today. Iron Man was suffocating in play dough, and probably still is. The shredded cheese bag was pulled from the counter. Correction, the opened shredded cheese bag was pulled from the counter. My youngest was showered in sharp cheddar this morning. And, today I learned that play dough sticks to shredded cheese. I thought I was nice allowing the play dough to still stay on our shelves with some dog hair mixed in. Shredded cheese is a whole new level. Play dough went to the garbage today. While cleaning up one mess, two kiddos were behind me making another. Sigh- Motherhood is all about improvising. Yep, I decided outside play for the rest of the day! Messes like these are triggers for stress to take over. Ick. Thankful that today was nice and sunny outside. I swear, the 'great outdoors' helps ease my stress.

Like the messy state of my house, that trigger went off and my mind began to clutter itself too. I allowed the mess to clone itself via thoughts and nest right in my head. My mind was cluttered with garbage. Garbage, the stinkiest was discouragement. Oh, discouragement. When you invest in a relationship and don't see the results you want, discouragement. Relationships with spouse, children, boss, friendship, or even family member. I won't say which was bothering me, other than it was bothering me. Everyone has those days. Today was my day. After my husband came home, he picked up some of the mess. Thankfully, I recognized his efforts to try and ease some of my stress. I truly am thankful for that. That man is a man with a lot of patience. He's not perfect though. lol. I realized I needed some patience in my life. The kind to keep hope or keep my focus, no matter how discouraged I may be. I learned a lesson from him tonight. Not a lesson of words, but actions. He came home after a day of work, and served me. He knew I was stressed, probably assumed I was thinking too much and he wanted to help. He cleaned up the living room (easy clean up compared to kitchen, but it did the trick) and didn't complain, didn't even say anything.  That's when it clicked. What I needed to do was zoom out my lens a little, and realize that the discouragement today is only  paving a path to something bigger than just my stress levels. Something may not turn out the way we want it to, but we just have to work with what we got. Improvise. Adding hope to the equation is crucial. Oh ya, and admitting those discouragement thoughts into Hospice will be my first step. Time to pitch the garbage. God's got this.

Be joyful always.

A few days ago, a friend on Facebook posted a picture of their dinner she just made. I inspected the picture and mentally noted the healthy meal they were about to devour. I'll let you in my brain for a minute. My thoughts: "What a good mom. hmm, I'm serving fried chicken, Bummer. Bad mom. UGH guilt tastes bitter." Does anyone else follow me? I don't need to lose weight and nor do I want to. My husband would like to drop a few. Anyway, the guilt for me is simply because I wasn't choosing the healthy option for my family. Not sure if this is the "mom" in me, but I can become so fixed on what I'm doing wrong that it becomes a distraction. It steals the joy out of me.

This was my husbands breakfast yesterday. All right, mine too since I would have felt guilty eating a hash brown so I had one too. Ugh, I know. This is a kale shake. Let me be clear, we are not organic health nuts. Organic takes $$$. And even if we had a disposable income, we probably wouldn't be the organic health nuts. My husband and I have been chasing our 'starting line' for healthier eating for a while, and now that we found it we are taking baby steps. We're even starting a garden this spring as a project for kids, healthier eating, help the budget kind of thing, etc.. Maintaining budgets and waistlines one baby step at a time. Okay, but still all this focus on what I'm not doing, the comparing, and mom guilt is a distraction from my joy. This is just one example of "mom guilt", there were plenty to choose from and since kale shake was still in my mind, and mouth, I chose the health guilt.

Some background: We're a family of four on a ministers salary; and food has been a considerably large chunk of our budget. Idealistically, I'd love to have a pantry and fridge stocked full with healthy foods. In reality its not the case. We're not junk food hoarders, but we do have some junk.  And trying to feed my family healthy, tasty, affordable food is a tall order. (sigh) Doable, but a challenge for sure...Then there is Pinterest. I love Pinterest, but it's constantly showering me with oodles of yummy dinner ideas. Expensive, exotic, mouth watering, dinner ideas. It adds to the grocery list, and slaps our budget across the face. Such a distraction to me! I say a distraction because this has been my thinking pattern lately, "IF we just had a little more money in our budget we could afford those healthy meals, and be healthier...." Ahh, don't get me wrong, Pinterest is great, really great IF done right. I just have to check myself daily before I open the doors to it. If you're familiar with Pinterest you'll know they have these cool DIY projects, tips on saving money, budgeting, creative ideas for the kids, quotes, parenting stuff, healthy eating/living, etc. Its GREAT! I sometimes allow my mind to wander into "What IF land."  And that should not be my focus. Those thoughts are the distraction from my focus. My focus is on giving thanks in all circumstances.

1 Thessalonians 15:16-18 (NIV) says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Great verse. Love it, love it, love it. It's a challenge for me, but GREAT reminder. I don't have room in my heart to be joyful if I am constantly thinking about these distractions. These distractions lead me down the wrong path, the path of comparing....then guilt, you get it.

....I'm in a women's group at church, and its been really great. Together we study scripture. The stuff that is worth focusing on, scripture. It keeps my thoughts on the right path when I study it. When I don't study scripture, I get distracted. Those distractions suck the joy right out of me. Last week our topic was about Thanksgiving. The main verse was the one stated above.  "...Give thanks in all circumstances...". That got me good. There are plenty of different distractions to write on, healthy eating was just one example.

 If we truly understood the grace God has for us, we would have a cup overflowing with gratitude. There would be no room for guilt, selfishness, or the other distractions in life. From the overflowing cup of grace would produce gratitude, and gratitude births joy. And we are called to be joyful always.... To pray continually. To give thanks in all circumstances. Gosh, I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot, even in the rough times. Praise God.

Mission: Motherhood

I have always loved writing, but have never done anything with it. Here goes nothing, welcome to my blog...

Recently I found out my best friend from high school is getting married, and this brings me joy. She is someone I am glad I've stayed connected with beyond high school. You know, the kind of person you envision staying close to for the rest of your life? We stayed in contact, but just were in different seasons in life.
Fast forward 10 years beyond high school, I'm married  (6 years) and have birthed two children. And, she is newly engaged. And did not ask me to be in her wedding party. I was shocked, a little heart broken. Then reality sank in.. Duh, Nicole. We aren't close anymore. Confession: it has been hard for me to stay connected to my friends sans kids.

Perspective. God has blessed me with two wonderful children, and lets not forget a supportive husband. And I am thankful. I am blessed. However, I am a little embarrassed that it has taken me until now to realize that I have lost some close friends after birthing children. But, it makes perfect sense. Motherhood is a ministry, a lifestyle. Not a 12 hour work day. No, it is all consuming, 24/7 blood, sweat, and tears kind of ministry. It's not a job that you can punch out, call in sick, get paid vacation, or switch positions. It is life. Truly the best job out there, in my opinion. But with it, there are sacrifices and friends are or can be one of them.

Before I move on, everyone should understand the definition of sacrifice. Sacrifice: Motherhood on a daily account. Used in a sentence: I sacrificed two hours of sleep so I could wake up before my kids and attain peace and quiet. Sacrifice. "S-A-C-R" ...You get my point.

Clarification. Back to the sacrifice of losing friends. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, plenty at that. God has placed great people in my life after having children. I've found to kind of link up with other women (MOMS) who understand the "highs and lows" of motherhood. It's natural, organic, there's rhythm to mom friendships. I'm thankful that I can say, I have a handful of close "mom friends". If you are a mom, I hope you have mom friends. Because in those moments where you feel like the kettle is about to burst, the right phone call can make all the difference. Mom friends to me are the best kind of friends. They are your cheerleaders on your rough days. Therapeutic, true, understanding, honest friends. Mom friends.

Current mission in life: Motherhood. My forever mission.